im drinking this country out of the recession.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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