I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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