All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My underwear smells like fireworks.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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