How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
