in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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