i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
