You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
nutella sex= disaster
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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