I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize