Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
why do cheetos always look like penises
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
