Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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