Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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