Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
