dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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