I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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