You're completely useless in the revolution.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
