Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize