just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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