dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
