remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
