whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize