You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Even my vagina gasped.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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