he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
