We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
