We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
