Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
