do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
