The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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