Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
