So drunk its hurt
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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