Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize