ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
