youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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