oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
