Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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