I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Fuck appropriateness.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
