Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize