i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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