This is not my ceiling
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
