My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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