i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
