it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
