You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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