nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
