just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
