Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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