quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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