Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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