cat food counts as protein by the way
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
