ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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