Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
sex in a hospital.. check
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's not a walk of shame if you run
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
