dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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