Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
