i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
