I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
