Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize