shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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