you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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