yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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