You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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