i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
