he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
