All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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