I need help removing her.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
