i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
