I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize