Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
