i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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