God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
