one might say we're banned from that church
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
