Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
