I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
