I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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