i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
