Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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