Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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