Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize