My hand turned me down
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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