What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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