This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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