Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
