Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
