Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
