Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
