The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
