dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
