best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
