I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize