I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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