Will you blow on my dice?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
